Immature love is when you love someone for what they do well, while mature love is when you love them despite their flaws. Couples therapy made simple is about providing a method to therapy that is simple to use and doesn’t demand deep thinking or deep insights (which most people find difficult to use and apply). It is not, however, for couples who are so foolish as to refuse help when they need it or who are too blameful to accept it when it is offered to them. It’s also not for newly trained therapists who feel compelled to listen to and partake in finger pointing and insanity in order to avoid offending their clients. If you would like to learn more about this, please check out San Francisco Couples Therapy Association
After years of seeing partners who were too quick to blame and make excuses, or who regarded themselves as victims who bore no responsibility for their problems… Couples counselling has become much simpler and obvious after becoming fatigued at intervening to prevent them from acting on a self-destructive or couple destructive impulse. It is not, however, suitable for everyone.
It is not for couples who, rather than committing to strengthening and improving their relationship, believe that each or either of the partners must be right and must get their way. It’s natural for people to want to be right and get their way, and it’s natural for them to be upset if they don’t. It’s even natural for some people to feel compelled to be right and get their way, and to be disappointed when they don’t.
Each of these can be endured, discussed, and even overcome. When one of the partners needs to be right and get their way, however, any threat of being wrong or not getting their way is perceived as an assault, and they will do everything they can to protect their position, resist, and fight back.
The focus of therapy then shifts to teaching each partner how to respond to their relationship’s inevitable arguments, disappointments, upsets, and frustrations by not becoming upset or angry at each other, or shutting down or avoiding one other. It also entails refraining from berating themselves.
Instead, each partner is taught and coached on how to confront and fully resolve disputes as they arise. Most people, it turns out, avoid conflict not because they don’t want to, but because they don’t know how to cope with it. More to the point, they believe that confronting conflict will only make it worse, and they have little faith that it will improve things.